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March 22, 2009

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1. Remember the stories your grandmother read to you when you were little? Stories about elves who live in the woods. Red Riding Hood and the wolf. Whatever happened to the people with this fantastic ability for fantasy who used to write these fairy stories for children? Nowadays many of them have nationally syndicated talk shows on AM radio.

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2. One of the good things about living in Maine is that I'm not likely to run out of things to talk about. Even paint brushes warrant discussion. As you know, there are two schools of thought in every home in Maine when it comes to paint brushes. There is the clean the brush school, and, there is the leave the brush soaking in a can so it will be handy the next time you need it. Sometimes my wife Marsha, the almost perfect woman hears me making this show, so I've probably said too much already.

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3. Why can’t people who call come right out and tell the person answering the phone what they want? Some woman called the other day and asked for me. Marsha could have told her what she wanted to know. But this woman asked for Robert, so Marsha had to drag me out of the cellar where I was hooking up my solar hot water heater. In a primitive or civilized society isn’t it possible that the spouse knows what's going on and can speak for the other? What does John want for that wood splitter? Either the wife says $500 or she doesn't know. And then, if she doesn’t know, it’s time to take the question to the next level. When I answer the phone and they ask for Marsha isn't it possible that I am capable of either taking a message or telling the caller exactly what Marsha would want me to say? You’re right. I couldn’t.

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4. What is single payer universal health care and why do people either sigh or bristle when they think about it? We read that universal health care is health care coverage that is extended to all eligible residents of a governmental region and often covers medical, dental, and mental health care. Typically, most costs are met by single-payer health care systems or national health insurance. If you travel at all, or if you have friends or relatives in Europe, you already know that universal health care is implemented in most wealthy, industrialized countries --- with the exception of the United States. In recent years it is also provided in many poorer developing countries. Because universal single-payer healthcare works, it is now the trend worldwide. So. Why do they have universal health care even in some poor developing countries and not here in the land of the free and the home of the brave where we put little sticky American flags on the back of our cars and proudly boast that we have the best of everything? We don’t have universal health care because too many people in the health care business are getting richer by overcharging you for services. --- Like the $220 one company charged my health insurance company this week for a chin strap that I later found on line for $19.95. If you are young and just starting a family or are old and wondering if the kids can afford to bury you after they pay your medical bills, you should be interested in learning more about a single payer health care system. Bottom line --- it will save you money. It will raise your standard of living. You won’t have to sell your home or deplete your savings if you get sick. We read that 28 industrialized nations guarantee access to health care as a human right. They have single payer universal health care systems like the type presently proposed in a bill now before Congress --- yet not one spends as much per capita on health care as the United States. May I repeat that? - 28 industrialized nations have single payer universal health care systems and not one of them spends as much per capita on health care as the United States. Of course they don’t. Only in the United States are there so many paper-shuffling sticky fingers between your health insurance check and the hard-working health professionals who care for you. Good news. The United States does not need to rank near the bottom among industrial countries in most everything from life expectancy (20th) to infant mortality (23rd) because --- some doctors have proposed legislation that would control skyrocketing health costs while covering all Americans. It would eliminate all those layers of sticky fingers. The bill also restores free choice of physician to patients and provides comprehensive prescription drug coverage to seniors, as well as younger people. Under this bill, which is called H.R. 676, we read that a family of four making the median income of $56,200 would pay about $2,700 in payroll tax for all health care costs. No deductibles, no co-pays, no worrying about catastrophic coverage. The services covered include primary care, inpatient, outpatient and emergency hospital care, prescription drugs, durable medical equipment, hearing, dental and vision care, chiropractic treatment, mental health services, and long-term care. Wow. Imagine an America without grange suppers and garage sales for veterans who lost their legs or, even worse, their minds in combat. Now you can get behind legislation that really will Support Our Troops. I have a good friend who probably voted against universal health care for years. But --- when a family member needed years of intensive long-term care, it cleaned him. His fifty years of hard work and scrimping and saving went down the drain. They took it all. Had he lived in any one of 28 or so other countries (or an updated America); he’d be leaving his heirs some nice certificates of deposit. Hopefully, this bill will pass in time to save your estate. Can you think of any other issue that so directly impacts the long-term welfare of you and your family as single payer universal health care? Shouldn’t you write to your friends in Washington and tell them what you think about H. R. 676? Your letter is really no substitute for the feasts and festivals put on for Congress by the greedy so-called health-care industry, but it would at least let them know that you’re watching.

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5. You have heard me say that for months I’ve been looking on Craig’s List for an old pickup truck. From time to time I see one that might do the job, but the price is always about $1,000 more than the truck’s listed value in the famous Blue Book. I’m about ready to give up on Craig’s List. It is becoming obvious to me that the people who need to sell their pickup trucks in a hurry either do not have computers or have never heard of Craig’s List. Craig’s List seems to be the exclusive domain for wheeler-dealers who expect to double their money. I wonder if they do.

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6. And then there is what we call white collar crime. The fines for white collar crimes are higher than for armed robbery, because the people committing these crimes have the money to pay higher fines. The closest I ever came to committing a white collar crime was changing the numbers on a check. Well, they'd made a mistake with a check --- they'd put two different numbers on it, so I went into my friend Lawyer Crandall's office, and showed him what I was going to do. I just changed it so that both numbers were the same --- like they were supposed to be. You couldn't even see that I'd changed it. I didn't realize I'd done anything wrong until I mentioned it to my wife later that evening. Her eyes bugged right out and she said, "Did Lawyer Crandall tell you what can happen to people who go around changing the numbers on checks?" I said, "Yes, he offered me a full partnership in his law firm."

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7. The email said, “Celebrate Calm - Stop defiance and disrespect now.” Then it says, “Learn how to immediately replace arguing, yelling and disrespect with responsibility, discipline and calm.“ May I repeat that advertisement from this program that will teach you how to change the behavior of your children? It says, “Learn how to immediately replace arguing, yelling and disrespect with responsibility, discipline and calm.“ Hah! Isn’t it obvious? Monkey see, monkey do.

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8. Twice within the past week I've read front page newspaper stories about all the poor little dead animals you've seen beside the road. Why, these articles ask, are there so many this year. And then they give what they think is a reasonable explanation. Why do you think there are so many freshly killed animals out beside the road? The answer is obvious to anyone who thinks about it. Maine people have simply forgotten what it's like to live through hard times.

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9. Many Maine businesses give away gifts to customers. Gas stations used to give away bottles of soda. You can usually find free food treats in supermarkets. It has been proven that you can increase your business by giving away these inexpensive free gifts. If you are a carpenter or housepainter, you might want to consider giving your customers little trees or shrubs to plant next to their houses. Your customers will love you. Who can deny that houses look a lot nicer with shrubs up against them or trees nearby on the lawn? But look at the roof and sides of houses that are encrusted with shrubs or have trees towering over them. There used to be one up by the corner near the Warren post office that was a classic example, but it rotted and fell down. Or, if you're like most of us, you can look at your own house. Nothing rots out a house like the shade from a beautiful oak. Nothing peels paint from a house like a near-by flowering shrub. When you house painters give your customers beautiful little trees and shrubs, you're just like the lobstermen who return short lobsters to the sea. You're planning for your future.

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10. In a letter to the editor of a Maine newspaper, I once read that in the past 25 years the earth had lost 500 million trees, 400 billion tons of topsoil and gained 1.5 billion people. The letter writer suggested that we solve the problem by getting children to plant trees. Is there another solution? Were you to suggest that the primary problem on the planet is overpopulation and that anyone having more than one child should be cut off from all government aid and heavily taxed, most people would probably think that you were crazy.

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11. My friends in local law enforcement tell me that Maine criminals are technologically behind mainstream America --- often by five or ten thousand years. While New York police might have to dodge a hail of bullets from automatic assault weapons, Maine police are frequently bitten on the hand.

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12. From time to time we hear that an old school needs to be replaced. You smile. You laugh out loud because you know that the age of a building has nothing to do with education. You remember when they condemned the Thomaston High School building. Unfit, unsafe --- it was a horrible, dirty, nasty, molding old building. But as soon as the new school was built --- wow, it wasn't as bad as people thought, and now the 160 year old building houses college classrooms. --- Even though building contractors, and their paper-shuffling hench-people, have convinced a few people that you cannot educate a human being in an old building. Let's think about how absurd that is. Do you know anyone who believes that children who go to Sunday school in a 200 year old church are deprived? Drive through Thomaston and look at the dates of construction on many of the beautiful old houses. Are children deprived if they live in a house that was built before 1850? Or before 1800? My house is 198 years old and my banker friends still don’t hesitate to give me a mortgage on it. I can't blame you for laughing whenever you hear that a school has to be replaced because it's old. (950928)

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13. I just got an email that said, “Are you ready for a disaster?” I didn’t know he could run for a third term. ( I don’t think I aired this one.)

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