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1. When you are outside of a motel and see a big “Pet Friendly” sign, what does that mean to you? Is your room likely to smell like your friendly unwashed dog?

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2. What did you think about the most recent end of the world? If you’ve heard over and over for the past 60 years that the world was going to end next week you might agree with me that it’s about time for another updated, carefully calculated end of the world. The preacher has given us another date. So let’s mark the next one on our calendars so we don’t miss it. I’ll staying home and watching the end of the world on television, even though Dr. Olga invited me to an End of the World Party. Mary Ellen has invited me to a Post Rapture Looting which is to follow immediately, but at that point I’ll be under lockdown in my bunker waiting for the survivalists to do their thing. How would you prepare for an end of the world party? A true believer would probably give all his money to his church and then tie a cardboard tag on his big toe. How much do you suppose that the guy who started this end of the world thing made in one fell swoop? 10 million? 20 million? Seems as I read somewhere he was already worth 120 million. Isn’t it discouraging to realize that although you or I could have done it he actually did? It’s in The Book.

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3. Were you surprised to read that a young Maine man sentenced to federal prison may earn up to 15 percent off his sentence for good behavior? Time off for good behavior? Do you think that would happen in a prison that was run for profit?

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4. Please listen closely to this synopsis of an article recently posted to a newspaper blog. “ Heavily armed FBI agents and state police tackled a Parkman man wanted on federal firearms charges as he got out of his pickup truck.” “Relatives told police that [the suspect] is obsessed with training to fight against the government and law enforcement and had talked about building bunkers…. They said [he] spent long periods of time on the Internet researching how to build explosives and how to train for firearms combat. He had motion sensors and monitors, as well as animal snares and traps placed on his property…. The relatives also said [he] smoked marijuana 24 hours a day, seven days a week.... He would rather die than give up his guns, he carried one all the time and even slept with a gun, one relative reported. Police were told that [he] also had guns buried on his property.” Police had been told that he had “researched how to make Thermite grenades using flash-bang housings that he planned to throw at police vehicles to disable them.” “Seized during the search were a loaded Escort 12-gauge shotgun, a loaded Ruger CP 100 handgun, a loaded Ruger Model 10-22, a loaded Walther P22, a .45 caliber M-191, miscellaneous gun barrels, marijuana, marijuana pipes, an improvised explosive device resembling an M-80, eight ‘grenade Fuzes,’ and a training hand grenade housing. A fuze is a device for detonating bombs, projectiles or explosive charges.” When the police tackled him they had heard that he smoked marijuana 24 hours a day, said he’d rather die than give up his guns, and carried a gun all the time. Doesn’t this tackling business sound to you like a little over-reaction by the police?

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5. (950419 Kids are always bringing home report cards. There are a dozen or so printed comments the teacher can choose to check off: "He is not trying," --- "She is not doing her homework." My friend Winky says the one his son brings home the most is, "He is a delight to have in class." Winky says that it worries him, as it is obviously not the same kid he has at home.

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6. A commentator on the morning news asked if the US has a plan for the Middle East. Although this kind of talk is taken for granted by Americans citizens, can you imagine sitting by your television in Peru and hearing a commentator ask if Peru has a plan for Australia? Can you imagine sitting by your television in Canada and hearing a commentator ask if Canada has a plan for Switzerland? To the bully on the block a sovereign government has no more validity today than in the days of Alexander, Caesar or Hitler who built empires by robbing or annexing their easily intimidated neighbors. Even though the United Nations would ideally prevent blatant violations of international boundaries, the only way for a country to avoid being overrun by a colonial power today is to have absolutely nothing the big guy wants --- yet.

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7. In an article about charter schools a reader writes: “Using the words "progressive" and "charter schools" in the same sentence is kinda amusing. The people most opposed to this are the "progressives" because the idea may force teachers in public schools to be, God forbid, accountable for their actions... And we all know teachers don't like being held accountable. “ If you’ve read too much European history, the word "accountable" might raise a warning flag. When I was a small boy there were some folks in Germany who specialized in organization and accountability.

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8. My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, wanted to know what I was chuckling about as I read over my latest rant. I was thinking about socialism --- not as an amorphous abstraction, but I was thinking of one concrete example of a socialist lifestyle. We are told over and over on the news and by letters to the editor that there is nothing more terrifying than socialism. But those of us who have lived under it and have visited so-called socialist countries many times actually know what socialism means. So when I was laughing about what a terrible thing socialism was I was thinking about Marsha’s brother-in-law in Holland who rents a castle down in Italy. His children and grandchildren assemble there for a few weeks every summer for a family reunion. He does this on a retired teacher’s salary. You’d better be glad we don’t have socialism here. How would you like to spend most of your month vacation stuck in an old castle in Italy with only your family and no Glenn Beck or NASCAR?

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9. You’ve got to admit that computers can be blamed for the greatest problems facing the world today. When a man is falsely arrested in Eastport because of a computer problem, it really doesn’t change your life or my life. But --- if you can remember back 10 or more years, you know that when a computer problem can get the wrong man elected to a high office in the United States, it can mess up things everywhere for a very long time.

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10. Did you read that they are trying to pass a bill in the Maine State Legislature that would permit people to carry loaded guns into the State House? Some people are never satisfied. Can’t they shoot enough Democratic legislators outside on the street? Which should bring to your mind this letter to the editor which says, “in this day and age there are just too many angry and unstable people." Do too many of them get to articulate their views on nationally syndicated talk radio?

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11. When a man was accused of pushing his wife off cliff, someone wrote, "What a monster this guy is ... I hope they put this guy away for life, but knowing our justice system he will get six months!” What do you think the same writer would say about a man who started a war and killed thousands of people just to pad his friends’ pockets by pushing millions of Americans off a financial cliff? You might have heard that although he’s still walking around free, he’d soon be in jail for war crimes should he ever set foot in Switzerland.

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12. Talking about that tobacco tax reminds me that I once spoke at the memorial service of one of my close friends, a college roommate. He’d had a stroke years before, in later years could only smoke with one hand, so he’d done well to hang in there as long as he had. The only difference between the old geezer in the urn and the old geezer speaking at that service was the geezer who was still breathing had never smoked. As a veteran, I was up to Togus recently for my yearly checkup. The toughest part was getting through the cloud of cigarette smoke by the door. Our nation’s heroes can hardly wait to get outside before lighting up. Even the young person who weighed me in and took my temperature was a smoker. To be kind, we will have to assume that most of the dozens of overweight, wheezing veterans I saw in the Togus waiting room were there for their yearly checkup and not because of alcohol or tobacco related illnesses. Well, at least you won’t have to say you read it. You can say you heard humble say it right here on your favorite radio station.

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