+

August 5, 2012 Rants

+

1. Here’s an email from my old buddy David Bright. It says, “If Romney was running against Nixon we'd know what's in his tax forms by now.”

+

2. And here's a letter to the editor from an honest Maine citizen. It says, "Get government out of my life." Right below it is an article that says, "Frozen burger patties sold in Maine recalled because they might contain gasket material" I want to make sure you heard that so I’m going to read it again. Here's a letter to the editor from an honest Maine citizen. It says, "Get government out of my life." Right below it is an article that says, "Frozen burger patties sold in Maine recalled because they might contain gasket material" It is no secret that GWB and his Republican friends cut back on the stringent government inspection requirements in meat plants. Less government inspection means that more sub-standard contaminated meat sneaks onto your dinner table which means more profits for the meat companies. In progressive countries one task of the government is to protect working people and small business owners from the predations of the rich. Here gobs and gobs of money from corporate America --- the people who own meat packing plants --- elects too many of our representatives. If they want to be reelected they had best look the other way when gasket material turns up in your hamburger.

+

3. We read about an old Maine man who almost got kicked off his property by his granddaughter. His lawyer argued that he didn’t know what he was doing when he signed over his property to her. It would be easier to believe that he knew exactly what he was doing when he signed his property over to her --- trying to protect it from estate taxes when he died --- but didn’t know a thing about the character of the person with whom he was dealing. Holman Day wrote about this 100 years ago. Don't give up your farm, mister. You can see where this would happen in a family that was raised to believe that life is about "Me First." If you're old enough, you have seen kids who have been taught to be greedy. Wouldn't it be fun to know to which political party grandfather and his favorite granddaughter belong? As someone who is interested in what people do and why they do it, I'd like to know.

+

4. In 1965 I got a degree from Gorham State Teachers College. I wanted to go to the alumni meeting this year but couldn’t find any mention of it on line. I wrote a letter to the alumni office and got this reply from one of the very efficient helpers: “It was very nice to chat with you last Wednesday. I wanted to follow up with you about your request for a web page dedicated to the Gorham Reunion. In talking with my coworkers, I was able to find out we unfortunately do not have a web page for this event but the idea is well liked. “Melissa Dudley, Alumni Relations Manager, is who manages the reunion, was on vacation last week and I was just now able to connect with her. With the reunion not far away, we don't have the support to start this project before then. However, after the reunion, we will be gathering suggestions and I am sure this one will be a topic of discussion. “Melissa is aware of your request, and noted you and a few other graduates would be willing to volunteer. If this is a project we are able to take on, we will be in touch.” We are talking about the University of Maine Portland Gorham here. Can you believe that the director of alumni relations needs to scrounge around and find support before constructing a web page with reunion information and posting it on line? Or that to get a web page posted on line that would simply give the date, time and place of an alumni meeting is such a weighty topic that after the reunion it warrants being a topic of discussion? I’m 76 years old and I have never fried an egg or cooked a chicken. For a couple of years I’ve been after my wife to teach me how to make Jello. But I put up a web page that says there will be a Gorham alumni meeting in less time than it took me to type this rant into my computer. If I took 3 more minutes, I could have added pictures and a bit of color to this page. I seem to be missing something here. Can you tell me what it is?

+

5. Did you read that many people in their early 20s don’t even think about saving for retirement? Young people don’t like the word “pension.” This is probably because they have heard their grandparents tell about their pensions that vanished. If you haven’t talked with someone who has lost his or her pension, you don’t have many friends who have worked for corporate America --- which includes Maine schoolteachers. How does one plan for retirement? If you can think of a form of wealth that doesn’t fluctuate and would provide a secure cushion for retirement please let us know so we may pass it along to any of our young friends who might be interested. As usual, when the general public refuses to go along with your program, you can sometimes troll folks in if you call it something else to make it sound good. Someone actually won a prize for thinking up a term to replace the “pension” word. It is, “Save now, play later.”

+

6. My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, rushed into the room and said that doctors were no longer wearing neckties and long sleeve shirts because ties are seldom washed and carry germs from one patient to another. Especially in hospitals. My wife was delighted with the news because she is not a tie person. Her father was a teacher and wore a tie every day. I am a tie person. My father came to this country to break up rocks with a hammer in a quarry. And as the first generation with a grad degree, the only way I have of flaunting my education is by wearing a germ laden necktie. You certainly ain’t going to figure it out by talking with me.

+

7. Wouldn’t you really like to know if neckties spread germs? It sounds plausible. When I looked for the answer on Google, I found the usual balanced article that told me nothing. A journalist presents both sides of an issue because that is considered “objective” reporting. The reader is left to make up his or her own mind. People who make or sell or like to wear neckties say that germs are a secondary consideration when compared with the professional image conveyed by a tie. The tie haters will, of course, augment their cause by crying, “flu germs.” I personally don’t care if my doctors wear a tie or not. But for all the patients in the world I do wish that every single doctor took a shower and scraped his tongue in the morning.

+

8. What do you do when you read an article that is put out by a nonpartisan news service and before you’ve read three paragraphs realize that the only nonpartisan thing about it is the notice at the bottom that says it is nonpartisan? Get used to it. Anyone reading the article I read would have to wonder if the Maine Center for Public Interest Reporting really is a nonpartisan news service. If you were to Google “Maine Center for Public Interest Reporting” and “Heritage Foundation” you will turn up an article by Edgar Allen Beem that will give you an answer.

+

9. If you’re an organized person, you probably throw things away. Indiscriminately. Ruthlessly and relentlessly. When it comes to throwing things away in a house, it is usually the things that are cherished by the other members of the household that are slated for disposal. I can't remember of ever throwing away anything but what I needed it within a week and had to go buy another one.

+

10. You probably heard that they quickly caught that armed robber who held up the fried chicken restaurant. Although he escaped with an armload of cash and fried chicken, within an hour he showed up at the emergency room and asked to have his stomach pumped.

+

11. Here’s the silliest email I’ve seen this year. It says that someone invented a breast implant that can store and play music. This implant is considered a major social breakthrough, because women have always complained that men stare at their breasts and do not listen to them. You don’t have to think about this too long before you realize that this is true. Women do not want men staring at their breasts --- which is why women wear low cut dresses and suspend on a gold chain, about 8 inches below the chin, a shiny piece of metal. This flashy piece of metal is designed to divert and hold the eye’s attention. Every year loving husbands give their aging wives two or three more gold links for the chain.

+

12. Have you heard about the man who has been trapped at Charles de Gaulle Airport since 1988? His passport got messed up so he can’t enter France and yet he is unable to leave it. It was written up in the newspaper because the reporter thought it was such a strange and unusual thing. But if you think about it for a minute, and compare this unfortunate fellow to a man who doesn’t get along with his wife, yet has six kids so they can’t afford a divorce, we could probably find several hundred similar cases right here in Maine.

+

13. Don’t you think that the number of shootings in this country would certainly decrease if everybody cared enough about their own personal safety to continually pack heat? Must we not be ever vigilant? You probably heard about the Alabama guy who went to a party with a gun to protect himself. It was a good thing that he did because he ended up killing three people and wounding three others before he felt safe enough to leave.

+