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This week marks 35 years that humble has made this radio program for you. --- Around 1820 shows. He was a kid of 42 when he started driving to Orono every week to make this program.

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Rants April 7, 2013

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1. While eating dinner I saw part of an NCIS program where a man who lost his thumb had his big toe cut off and attached to his hand. Doesn’t it make you wonder if this would work with a person who might not be lucky enough to have a toe with the same DNA?

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2. Long time radio friend Pegg says that she’s out boiling sap today. Last time I boiled sap all the wallpaper in the kitchen fell to the floor. What’s your secret? How do you do it?

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3. If it weren't for our friends on snowmobiles and ATVs and our friends who own guns and a unique governor, what would be left to report in Maine newspapers but how many gulls were last seen roosting on the Tenants Harbor General Store? How many people from Massachusetts slipped and fell off a Maine mountain? Ok, we read that a Maine woman was indicted for a $20,000 theft from community center" This is certainly encouraging. Things can't be as tough here as one has been led to believe. There is certainly money in Maine's communities if one knows where it is and how to get it. On the down side, you might have noticed that most of the dozens of people mentioned in newspaper police reports are no more than children. Does it indicate that people get smarter as they age? Are old folks staying out of trouble or are they too clever to get caught?

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4. We read in the paper that a woman suffered serious injuries when her car hit slush and ice and went off the road. We then read that a police officer could not tell if she was driving too fast for the road conditions. If a class of fifth grade kids couldn't figure out the answer to that one, should they all be held back for another year? And then, so and so, 21, and his passenger, 18-year-old so and so who crashed after a robbery were both listed in fair condition at Maine Medical Center. How much more interesting a read this would be were the ages 78 and 18. Or even 78 and 75. It might even make the national evening news. What happens to people after 10 or so years of Social Security? Are they content to simply sit home and gum crackers? What is it about Social Security that seems to work as a pacifier? Would we wipe out a lot of this crime by kids if they were to start collecting Social Security when they're 10? Nothing else seems to be curbing crime. Perhaps social scientists should start looking for a new approach.

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5. The man in the TV ad said, “Having trouble collecting your veteran’s benefits? Call Morgan and Morgan. For the People.” Are you surprised that an ad like this is permitted to run? Does it smack of treason? Are you surprised that an ad like this is expected to generate a response? When you need to hire a lawyer to get what was promised you does it indicate that something in the system is not working the way it should? When military recruiters in their colorful creased uniforms visit high school and college campuses, should they be accompanied by a blind veteran, who lost his home to a bank, to present another side to the military career story? How many people now serving abroad in the military would have joined up had they known that Republicans were going to cut back on the benefits they were promised? Would you say that this is not morally right, although it is an excellent and all too common business practice? Too many questions? Are they answers in themselves?

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6. What is an iPod? Look for a definition and you’ll learn that the iPod is a combination portable digital media player and hard drive from Apple Computer. Not much help there. If you can understand the definition of an iPod that I just read, you are probably looking forward to your 12th birthday. I'll bet you there aren't 10 people in Maine over the age of 75 who would bet their life they could tell you the difference between an ipod and an ipad. And if any kid thinks this is funny, in 60 or 70 years please remember what I just said when you find it happening to you.

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7. We recently read about some schools in Maine. "Ellsworth, along with Hancock and Lamoine, voted to pursue withdrawal in June last year." Anyone who has seen what happens to property taxes in a town when it goes into the education business with surrounding towns is not surprised that so many towns are trying to get out of a very expensive marriage. We are talking about a system that is pushed by the construction companies that build school buildings --- that is even today suckering in voters in some towns. When you hear talk of "improving educational facilities for our children" better follow the money and see where that talk is coming from. You might be surprised to discover it originates with the same folks who think we should build bigger and better prisons.

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8. You know how every once in a while you read something --- and then, all of a sudden, something that has puzzled you for years suddenly makes sense? I just read in the Maine Organic Farmer newspaper that it is illegal to place manure on fields between December 1 and March 15 of the following year. Doesn’t this pretty well explain why, when you drive past Steve Dennison’s farm around Christmas time, his cows are always wearing such a pained expression?

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9. “The most dangerous places in the world.” That’s what the headline said. Where do you think those dangerous places are? Could one of them be on a Maine snowmobile during spring thaw? We have read that the players in a basketball team sustained more injuries in recent games than they did when the team’s bus crashed. On a Camden mountain top with a spouse who really doesn’t like you? And --- would you like to live with a professional athlete? After years of pigging out on muscle building drugs or having their heads pounded, athletes are known shoot their families and sometimes themselves. Dangerous places all, but, as Rambo said, “I’ve seen worse.” When any meal is being prepared in our home, you do not want to be in my wife’s kitchen.

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10. I have discovered the Jack Benny show on the Israel channel around noontime. You might remember all of the jokes about Don Wilson being fat. That was one of their staples: Dennis Day was not clever, Jack Benny was stingy, Phil Harris was drunk, Don Wilson was fat. But the programs were made 40 or so years ago. Anyone who looks at Don Wilson today would say that he was pretty slim and fit.

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11. You might have noticed that many of the things we’ve talked about lately has to do with something horrible that has happened to some poor unfortunate person. Perhaps we should stop reading Maine newspapers.

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12. We read in the paper that " Two police officers saved the life of a man who stopped breathing after an apparent drug overdose last weekend..." This is good. Now the officers will know exactly what to do the next time they find him lying in the street.

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