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This is a rough draft of Rants for your Maine Private Radio show for July 6, 2014

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1. May I tell you about some of the curious assortment of things that turn up every day in my email box? Here’s one that made me laugh. In the subject line, it said, “Prepare for the future.” “Prepare for the future.” It doesn’t take a linguist to figure out that there is not much else to prepare for. If you want your friends to have something that is as equally profound to think about after you’ve said, “Goodbye,“ you might look them square in the eye and add: “Remember, the past is gone and the future knocks but once.”

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2. I’m always distressed when I see a candidate for political office who promises to lower taxes. Lower whose taxes? Can you tell me when taxes on corporate profits in this country have ever been lower? You have heard me say this over and over. Countries in northern Europe have higher taxes than we do. This enables the working people in northern Europe to have a much higher standard of living than those of us who live and work in the United States. If you don’t believe it, go to Sweden, or almost anywhere over there, and live there for a year and see for yourself. Higher taxes means a higher standard of living for you and other people who work for a living. Oh, you’re right. Higher taxes means that a fraction of the top one percent of taxpayers who earn a million or 10 million or 500 million dollars a year will pay much more taxes. And, in the US, because that tiny fraction of one percent of rich taxpayers includes our friends who own the newspapers and the radio stations and the television stations, and control the salaries of people who work for them, you aren’t going to read or hear too much about the benefits of a highly taxed society.

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3. Harvey just sent me a video that shows how the International Space Station was put together. I can’t help but wonder how long it will be before it falls down. It is 194 feet long and probably just as wide. You can’t believe how glad I was to see that they put a picture of an airplane next to it so we could get an idea of how big the space station is. It’s the first thing I’ve seen in ages that wasn’t compared to the size of three football fields.

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4. You might have heard that the new Maine Turnpike system will let E-ZPass holders breeze through the Maine toll booth at full speed, without slowing down. Just like you do in New Hampshire. We got our first E-ZPass after trying to merge into the correct lane one dark, cold and rainy night on the George Washington Bridge. With an E-ZPass we could have whistled right through. Everyone has an E-ZPass now. Almost everyone. If you don't have an E-ZPass you are probably confined to a wheel chair on Beals. Yes, the new system will let E-ZPass holders breeze through the toll booth at full speed, without slowing down. My wife Marsha, The APW, will love this. She is one of the few women I know who expected toll-takers to make correct change for someone going 40 miles an hour.

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5. If you will take the children away from radio I will now unload The humble Farmer’s unkind comment of the day. Marty, who is a radio friend in Rockland, says, "I have always considered ATV s and the like to be Malthusian population control devices that are focused on a specific demographic."

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6. I’d like to give you an example of how name dropping works in good Maine society. Years ago, somebody, I don’t remember who it was, was telling me about a nice conversation he had with the governor. Imagine that? Having a nice conversation with the governor? And I asked him how in the world he ever happened to know the governor. And he said, “I met him at your house.”

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7. You might have read that an "Injured Acadia hiker was rescued after being stranded alone for five hours" Probably dropped off a cliff while hiking. It's nice to know that real men who can't afford a snowmobile or ATV have a viable option.

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8. “The most dangerous places in the world.” That’s what the headline said. Where do you think those dangerous places are? Could one of them be some kid’s bedroom, if our government suspected his father of doing things they didn’t like? Today a dangerous place for me was my garden where I cut my thumb while cutting the tops off some radishes. Another dangerous place might be on a Maine snowmobile during spring thaw. We just read that the players in a basketball team sustained more injuries in recent games than they did when the team’s bus crashed. And --- would you like to live with a professional athlete? After years of pigging out on muscle building drugs or having their heads pounded, athletes are known shoot their families and sometimes themselves. Dangerous places all, but, as Rambo said, “I’ve seen worse.” When any meal is being prepared in our home, you do not want to be in my wife’s kitchen.

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9. Can you believe that the first ten minutes of what is called national news was talk about a singer? that nobody has ever heard of who done himself in? And that an upcoming item to inform Americans about what was going on in the world was to be the famous runner with no legs who shot his girlfriend? Without realizing what was happening Americans no longer have a nightly news broadcast: we have the National Enquirer with moving pictures.

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10. I've been married for over 23 years and I do not argue with my wife. If I don't say anything, she very often changes her mind --- two or three times --- which, to my mind, makes her a very reasonable woman. In other words, she really doesn't care which way the matter is decided as long as she is the one who has done the deciding. I don't remember of seeing my mother and father argue so I never learned the basics of bickering. And in later years I could never see that anyone came out the better for an unpleasant discussion. But there are people who love to stand toe to toe and try to bring people around to their side of an issue. They see it as a challenge. Not my thing. Not that I don't talk about things concerning the human condition that interest me, but from 35 years of speaking my mind on the radio and years of writing for newspapers, I simply unload it. Here, for your consideration, is what I think, for what it's worth. If you want to write something about what I wrote and post it in a newspaper, I do my best to avoid seeing it. But I see bickering every day in my favorite newspaper blog where people chew back and forth. And from my reading I believe I've figured out something you were aware of a long time ago, and that is which of any two parties has put forth the most forceful presentation. It is the one who doesn't feel that he or she has to have the last word. So there.

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11. Long time radio friend Peggy wrote to me about a boy who is “Nineteen years old. The cerebral cortex has not yet matured. Judgment is faulty until at least the age of 22-23." This is the best reason I have ever seen for keeping boys and girls on separate islands until they are at least 35.

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12. It’s the talk of the town in Mattawamkeag, Maine. Two selectmen might have violated state law when they met with a state trooper who interviewed them as part of an investigation. Did you know that for two selectmen to talk things over constitutes an illegal meeting? In these rapidly changing times they might not even be called selectmen any more. Would the lightning bolt of justice continually crackle over two selectmen who were married and simply whispering in bed? Imagine if you will the following tableau: "I’m done Chief, I've booked these two selectmen." "Ok, Pete. Put them in two non-contiguous cells so we won't be summoned for creating an illegal meeting."

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