Maine Reality TV --- The humble Farmer's TV show on YouTube.

+

In February, 2017, I paid ASCAP $200. or so for the right to run this radio show for you on the Internet. Although we are not starving, if you would show your appreciation by donating a small contribution to my PayPal account, you would earn an inedible spot on The humble Farmer's wall of fame.

+

Rants February 12, 2017

+

1. Here’s a letter from radio friend Tim. Unlike some radio friends who have hung in there with your buddy humble for 30 or so years, Tim is a relatively new member to the club. But he has distinguished himself and caused me to look forward to his emails because he writes things like this. Tim says: "I attended eight schools in six states between preschool and the end of high school. Some were public, some were private. They varied considerably in standards and their application. One thing I can say for private schools: you get beaten up by a better class of person."

+

2. Isn’t it great that you can go on line now and get the answer to most any technical question? Today I tried to find out how to make the base of the vacuum cleaner drop down and I filled out three pages of the on line questionnaire before I was told it would cost me $18 for the answer. I finally solved the problem by kicking the vacuum cleaner and jumping on it.

+

3. Because I could never afford to have children, I’m constantly amazed by the short-sighted and off-hand manner in which parents treat their little ones. They talk to children as if they were children. If I had a child I would employ linguistic constructs conducive to the child’s social development and economic advancement. I once read that an anxious hostess who scalded a five-year-old Aldous Huxley with tea enquired as to his condition. He reportedly replied with, “Madam, the pain has somewhat abated.” Wouldn’t even a below average child quickly absorb the language employed by his parents? Another thing I don’t understand is the games children are encouraged to play. My wife is teaching a grandchild to play cribbage. Wouldn’t thinking grandparents teach the child to count cards so she would be able to support them in their old age?

+

4. This one made me laugh this morning. I typed, "I don’t need this aggravation." And l looked at it like I do many words and waited for aggravation to get the red arrow under it so I could click and change it to the correct spelling. But aggravation didn't change. I couldn't believe that I spelled it correctly and didn't need the spell corrector. I suppose it is like talking with your wife. If you talk long enough, sooner or later you finally get something right.

+

5. Before we could do our income tax, I had to read my diary for last year to see how many times I visited the doctor. Travel mileage. Last year was not one of my better years. My knees were bad last year. So many pages in my diary told of my hobbling about in pain. And then --- finally --- a diagnosis of lyme disease, two weeks of pills, and that was the end of lame knees. Let me tell you about one of the more interesting things I read in my 2016 diary. I'm in a hospital, lying stripped on a table as nurses scurry about me pasting wires all over my body. Can you see it in your mind? I said, "When I die, my last words are going to be: "I buried the money for you at ....." And one of the nurses shouted, "Revive this man."

+

6. We have a computer telepBecause our computer phone is kind of temperamental, I’m going to have to invest in a cell phone. I’m managing a summer rental house in Tenants Harbor and people tell me I’m breaking up when I try to talk to them on my computer phone. We’re talking business here, and when it comes to putting bread on the table we have to get serious. This could be an interesting learning experience. For years people with cell phones have stopped in our driveway to talk as it seems to be the best place for cell phones to work. I remember years ago when Larry Foldes was living in our house, it seems that he spent a lot of time lying on the floor in the upstairs NorthWest bedroom because that was the only place his cell phone worked. Years ago I wrote about seeing people running around in their backyards like a chicken with its head cut off and discovering that they were only looking for a place where their cell phone would work.

+

7. You know people who see the bright side of everything. A woman in Maine said that after a blizzard in February, her roof was leaking and she couldn’t get anyone to fix it. One of her Maine friends wrote back to her that the good thing about living in a tiny camper in Florida all winter, is not seeing the roof in your Maine house leaking in February. You come back home to Maine in April and you see a spot on the rug and some ceiling plaster on the floor and you kind of wonder where it came from, but after you sweep it up it really doesn't matter and you forget about it.

+

8. Because I haven’t seen this for a year or two it warrants our attention. Someone on a blog wrote, “… what good would it be to have term limits for Congresscritters, if the verdamnt Lobbyists are still around? Imagine a nice tender new-baked Congressperson Goes to Washington, and here comes the Big Bad Wolf waving seduction under their virgin noses.” Does this make sense? What would happen if the only experienced people in Washington were the lobbyists? Is there anything to be said for tribal knowledge? Does it take as long to learn how to become an effective congressperson as it takes to learn how to teach school? What do you think would happen if teachers right out of college didn’t ask experienced teachers in the next room what to do? And what would happen if new people weren’t constantly entering every profession? You might want to think about this. Is there any value in tribal knowledge?

+

9. If you don’t want to hear whining and crying, you can stop listening right now because I am going to whine and snivel about the problem I have with too many things that are changing too rapidly in my private little world. Booking dot com is an on-line company that people turn to when they want to find a place to spend their upcoming vacation. Booking dot com is a powerful engine that brings hundreds of affluent Europeans to our hotels and resorts in Maine. They have sent many nice people from all over Europe to our Bed and Breakfast and they get a 15% commission for doing it, which I am glad to pay. All this is good and well. I like it. I’m happy. If I have a problem with any organization with whom I do business on the Internet, and this includes the page on which I read the weather report, it is that they are constantly “improving” their web pages. Do you know what I’m talking about here? You just get so you can handle a web page when some child changes it to make it look more like a challenging video game. I don’t need this aggravation. I don’t need a challenge. I’m like you in that I have things I have to do. But nowadays the tools that you and I need to survive in this Internet world are changing too rapidly. Open up your favorite old work site, and it no longer works. My Gmail was changed a month or so ago and now managing the people in your Gmail account can be compared with an old man playing volleyball in hip boots. My email used to work slick. There was an email program I used 20 or so years ago that would do anything you asked it to like a rocket. It would sort people into groups. Stack them up, down, sideways. Print off lists of everyone who lived in Ohio zip bang so you could tailor your message to that particular group. Those days are gone. If there is an email program designed for someone in business, it certainly isn’t Gmail. If there is a use for the Gmail we have today, it might be introducing infants in cribs to the red, blue and green colors of the rainbow. Anyway. My question for you is: Have you ever seen a new web page that was better than the one that preceded it? If you can tell me about one that made your life easier, I’d like to know about it.

+

10. Facebook Friend Paul says that my wife and I need to adopt a teenage kid to keep us abeam of the many new words that come into the language. A word I heard today for the first time is, “selfie-stick.” I have been told that a selfie-stick enables you to hold your camera out so you can take a picture of yourself. We take care of a friend’s dog and the dog takes the place of a child. Throw the ball, feed him twice a day, take him across the road for an occasional walk, and not only is doggie grateful, but he never sulks or talks back.

+