Maine Reality TV --- The humble Farmer's TV show on YouTube.

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Rants May 14, 2017

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1. Faye Mapley has asked for my wife’s recipe for fish chowder. I think it is the best fish chowder in the world. I love it. The ingredients are milk, potatoes, fish and a whit of butter. I’m going to post the recipe on my Facebook page. I don't think many people will like it. You can taste the fish.

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2. Have you heard people talk about government waste? What is government waste? Please think about this for a minute. If Social Security were privatized, that is, run by a private company, the guy at the top might be getting 100 million a year and there would be countless other leeches sucking the cream off the top. If SS were run like a private company there would be justifiable charges of fraud, corruption and incompetence. If ss were run like a business, before long they would declare bankruptcy, dump the entire mess in your lap, and slink off to retire in the Bahamas. What is the difference between the government and business? What in government you would call an impeachable offense in business you would call a common business practice.

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3. One of my friends says, “If cameras are going to be set up in classrooms, how about having additional cameras set up at the door of the faculty room and in front of the principal’s office. Is what’s good for the goose good for the gander? I’m sorry to be reminded of this because 45 years ago when I was a young unmarried man I taught school alongside of exotic young unmarried women. And because my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, doesn’t listen to this program I can confide to you through personal experience --- that had every teacher been videotaped every minute that they were in the school building, there are more than a few of them who would pay a substantial sum for the only copy of that tape today.

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4. Have you ever been introduced to the hierarchy of the corporate world? Have you ever been on the bottom rung --- just starting? The first thing you might learn is that a broken window could be fixed in less time than it takes to sit through a meeting that is held to decide how to fix it. Have you ever been introduced to the hierarchy of the corporate world? Have you ever been on the bottom rung --- just starting? The second thing you might learn is that a person on the bottom rung does not suggest to management that a broken window could be fixed in less time than it takes to sit through a meeting that is held to decide how to fix it. A person on the bottom rung quickly learns to not see broken windows or spruce limbs wearing through the shingles of a house. A person on the bottom rung learns to raise his eyebrows, wear a silly smile, nod eagerly at anything that is said and, most importantly, say nothing. You might say that the hierarchy of the corporate world is set up very much like that found in a Turkish army boot camp --- or the characters in a surrealistic novel. The good thing about being on the bottom rung in the corporate world, is that you can quit and go clamming.

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5. "I'll quit smoking tomorrow." Someone told me that he hadn't had a beer for 18 years. --- 18 years the day before, come to think of it. So quitting beer or cigarettes must be hard. It is something you don't forget if you were able to do it. How long does it take to be clear of the world's favorite drug drink? I've gone without for several days now and I'm disoriented even as I sit here and type. Yesterday was bad. Two days ago I tried to rotovate the garden with my brother's Troy built and it threw my entire body out of whack. I don't know how else to explain it. I wasn't right. And I suspect that it is the withdrawal from drug drink. I feel that I need an infusion of drugs before I can do anything. You remember my telling about the nurse who went to Haiti with a crowd of doctors to work for a week. They suffered headaches and all kinds of bad feelings because they couldn't get their morning drug drink. Can you live without drug drink? Were you ever addicted? How did you kick the habit? Did you have several relapses?

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6. In the late spring I got an email from Dave Rowe saying that he and a whole crowd of wonderful people were doing a show in Auburn and asked me to come up. I looked it up on the Internet and saw that the show was a month from then. So I says to myself, why is Dave telling me that that the concert is tomorrow night when it's a month from tomorrow night? Says I, I'll call Brad Terry and ask him if the show is tomorrow night or if it is in 30 days. And about then I realized that I had somehow lost the entire previous month. I don't need to tell you that this is a scary thing. --- When last week I got half way to Thomaston and thought I'd missed the turnoff for Warren and was going to turn around and go back. So two times inside a week, at only 81 years of age, I've been confused about time and place. Just now I inadvertently turned off my earphones and got another pair out of the filing cabinet before I realized I’d turned them off. And I don't need to tell you what they do with people who live in that world on a regular basis. Give them coffee?

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7. There’s ways of getting things done peacefully and quietly without ever saying a word. A fisherman I heard of did not like the fact that his landlord had rented the spot next to him to an obnoxious recreational boater, so the fisherman left an entire tote of bait on deck. The birds ate it and did bad things all over the recreational boat --- which was quickly relocated...

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8. Ever get dressed in the morning and thought to yourself that something was not right? Your pants might have been inside out or you might have put your socks on the wrong foot. No, your suspenders were over your shoulders and not in your crotch. Everything OK there. You couldn't quite place what was wrong, but you knew that something didn't feel right. It just happened to me and I hope it never happens to you because it gives you an eerie, creepy feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it --- didn't know what was wrong, something about my shirt didn't feel right. I thought about it for quite a while. And then it came to me. Because most of my clothes are hand-me-downs from friends, they come in all shapes and sizes. And this morning, for the first time that I can remember, I put on a shirt that fit me.

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9. Ed Green, who has helped me out more than once, sends this recipe that he might have got off the Internet Rhubarb Salsa 1-2 stalks of rhubarb (1 to 1 ½ cups), diced ¼ cup of sweet bell pepper, diced 2 tablespoons of diced white or red onion 2 tablespoons of diced scallions 1 jalapeño, seeds removed and diced 1 to 2 tablespoons of cilantro, diced 1 tablespoon of lime juice 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar 2 teaspoons of honey ¼ teaspoon kosher salt pepper to taste Heat 2 cups of water in a saucepan to boiling. Blanch rhubarb by placing in the boiling water for 10 to 20 seconds. Quickly remove the rhubarb and place in a colander. Run cold water over the rhubarb to stop the cooking process. Blot the rhubarb with a paper towel to dry. In a separate bowl, combine the bell pepper, onion, scallions, jalapeño, and cilantro. Add rhubarb and mix ingredients. In a small separate bowl, dissolve the honey in the lime juice and apple cider vinegar. Drizzle this dressing over the rhubarb salsa and stir. Add the salt and pepper. Mix well. Chill for at least 30 minutes. When you put all those things in do you really need the rhubarb?

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